Time

One of the things I have noticed about having so much free time on my hands (since I am one of the millions of Americans out of work) is that I am noticing things I usually probably would not notice - like the progression of this pot of tulips from leaves to new-bloom, to full-bloom.

I am spending a lot of time in my backyard just watching the leaves blossoming on the trees; enjoying the delightful citrus-blossom aroma; the wind (it is very windy today); the trees swaying in the breeze; the sky; the clouds and thinking.

I have a lot of time to think. Of course I spend a lot of my time doing and going and planning on going and doing, and recovering from going and doing; but soon or later I come back to just being.

Over the years in my search for spirituality I discovered meditation. The whole idea about meditation is to sit and breathe. Now that might sound insane to some people, because of course we all sit and breathe. I mean, really, come on! Why would anyone pay attention to sitting and breathing? I remember feeling really silly - sitting on a cushion, facing outward, with other people sitting on cushions and facing outward, listening to someone instructing us on how to pay attention to the breath going in and going out and how to say to ourselves, "Breathing in, I am aware that I am breathing in"; and then, "Breathing out, I am aware that I am breathing out". After what felt like forever but was probably two minutes, the instruction was shortened to, "In", "Out".

We sat for twenty minutes doing this exercise. All I could think of was anything but breathing. I thought about why in the world did I come to this gathering; about how weird it was and how weird the people must be; about my arm itching; feeling uncomfortable; about what I would fix for dinner; and what I would buy at the grocery on my way home; about my children; about how much my boss bothered me when he talked; about my ex-husband and how sad that was; about the slight itch on my scalp; about a trip I was planning on taking; a memory of sitting still in grade school; about how I was sure my leg was asleep and if I didn't move I would probably have to have it amputated; and then I pictured myself running, running, running with ease and no fatigue, and from far away hearing the calm voice instructing us to come back to the breath and for a moment I came back to my breath, before my mind took off again.

Since I went to this meeting with my friend Maxine, and I enjoyed her company, when she asked if I wanted go back the next month, I said, "yes".

That was over thirteen years ago and what I have learned is that when I am able to quiet my mind, and be still, a feeling of peace and acceptance envelops me. It is a good thing. It is a freeing experience. It increases perspective and reduces blood pressure and heart rate. It is calming and increases feelings of well-being.

And that is all I have to say about meditation.

One of the good things about not working is really having some time to think about what type of work I want to do. What type of work would be satisfying, pay enough, make a difference in the world, and keep me engaged? hmmm...... I have some ideas, but need to continue pondering. Right now I need to go to a spring training game. Yesterday I had a par on the first hole and Ken McDonald. Now that definitely increased feelings of well-being!